Landing without losing your core: How to start your new life

I bet everybody knows the emotional high just before going on a holiday. And the sigh of relief when you finally drive off or when you finally sit down in the airplane seat. The preparation phase is over, your passport was accepted at the airport, you've made it through security and now you only have to sit down and relax. Moving abroad hits with the same emotional high, but different. The amount of preparation and the emotions in the leadup to the trip are just way more intense. And you know that once that airplane land in your new destination, a whole bunch of other things are awaiting you. This blog and the following ones won't necessarily go into setting up a tax number, finding a new place, or getting an international phone number. It will go, however, into the psychology of what you're going through, how to take charge of all the changes, and how to do this beautifully. And let's be real for a second here. Now you've decided to move (or already made the move) you've closed the door on your previous life and you've opened a door into the next. Yes, your life will change. But you won't change as much as you think you will. But if the goal isn't to start over, what is it then? Let's explore that.

The Myth of Starting Over

You may think that when you step of the plane "you're finally going to be more social", or "you'll leave the overthinking behind", and "you'll finally go on that adventure you have always dreamt of". Now you're in a place where no one knows you, you'll finally muster up the courage to be your authentic self. Those are great ideas to have, and they are part of something called the blank slate fantasy. There is a problem. When you move to a new place, you will experience one or more of the following. First, the change will make you feel tired as hell. Second, you press yourself into doing things that you're not used to. And third, you're going to feel disoriented. These things will throw a span in the works. What should happen instead, is that you reconnect with yourself. You didn't move to become a new person. You moved to discover who you already are in a new place with new challenges and new found freedom.

Becoming Observant

So what do you do? Become an observer. Try to give yourself the time to observe your new place, especially the people. Observing calms you down because it reduces the pressure to perform. But also, observation helps you to create a spark of relaxation in the chaos.

That is one of the missions that I would give you. Try to spend a day or multiple days just noticing. Notice as much about social interactions in your new place as possible and make notes - for example in your phone or in a small notepad. Try to use the following prompts as example. How do people great each other? What do people talk about? What do they complain about? When do people seem relaxed or conversely, rushed?

This may seem like an odd exercise to do at first. But being conscious about social expressions in your new place is a great start and will help you prevent all kinds of problems down the line.

Cultural Alignment without Self-Abandonment

With the information that you have obtained in the first mission, you can consciously start to adapt yourself in your new environment. The important part here is that you can stay close to yourself, while becoming someone who expresses themselves in a way that is more aligned with the new culture. Here in Australia, I found that the weather is a leading conversation topic. Although I’d rather talk about bigger things, learning to observe helped me to understand that people generally do not appreciate it when you bulldozer into a conversation talking about their sexlife! It taught me to stay on the surface for longer. And even when talking about more sensitive topics, to approach that with ease.

Creating First Wins

So now you have arrived, what should you do? I would suggest creating first wins. This blog series is all about stacking small wins and this first blog will be no different. Take not of this. Small wins not only help you feel like you achieved something, they also help you with identity continuity. You have moved on from the life that you have established in your previous home. Now it is time to consciously start creating your future. Some suggestions for daily wins: find your local supermarket; go to a library; visit something with public transport; buy a piece of clothing that locals wear; explore a local farmers market; claim a morning walk route; build a playlist that reminds you of home and of yourself. And the beauty of creating these daily wins? You can combine them with the first mission: observing. So don’t forget to look around and take notes. I would suggest doing something every day, but do take rest consciously when you need it. Try to not get into “novelty overload”.

Conclusion

To conclude, it is tempting to reinvent yourself, but it’s smarter to integrate. You can start doing this by observing and by experimenting with what you learned. At the start, everything will be chaotic and you will feel confused at times. You’re not doing anything wrong: you’re in it. Take a deep breath, look around you and enjoy the show. Slowly but steadily you will learn the ways of your new place - while staying close to yourself. What is one small part of your past identity that you will keep alive? No matter what? Comment below 🙂